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Leg Post 37
In Leg Post 37 Sir Galahad has met with The Lady of the Rock in Space Camelot, who is a giant that towers over him. She is angry because the humans have settled in the Lake District, which she considered to be her land. She had already tried to parley with them but her threats to squish them resulted in them throwing rocks at her to bully her. Sir Galahad vows to help her discuss terms with the kings of the settlement and see if a compromise could be met since The Lady of the Rock admitted she liked Queen Morgause. The Lady of the Rock carries Sir Galahad in her arms and they, along with Morta, travel to the settlement. Meanwhile, Sir Marhaus and Decima travel into Faunicopia where they are set upon by fauns and saytrs. They are angry that they are clothed as it strikes the fauns and saytrs as suspicious. Marhaus agrees to travel through their lands in his underwear and Decima is permitted to stay clothed as few women venture into these lands. Decima believes that Marhaus is a closeted homosexual. Meanwhile, the third quester, Sir Gawain, is with Sir Lile Morians and he engages the ruse he made with Sir Tom Thumb to tell Morians that Gawain killed Tom Thumb in a joust. He had expected Morians to show remorse and regret and find some passion for Tom Thumb but instead she rejoiced and congratulated him. She then became more sombre and spoke on the matter of her past as a prostitute and how her past shames her and feeds the darkness within her cursed sword. As they undress for the night Gawain finds himself attracted to her and her misfortune before she engages intercourse with him. Finally, in the Waterfall District, Sir Caelia is studying the mysterious tiara she was given in Leg Post 35 when she believes she recognises similar craftsmanship with the Lightning Amulet of Gamma Pans. She asks Sir Lanval to fetch the Krypton. She then suddenly hears a voice from the tiara and tries to throw it but she is struck unconscious by a sudden blast of power. Post Space Camelot I See You Location: Algernon | Lake District Characters: Sir Galahad | The Lady of the Rock | Morta The giant woman stood over fifteen feet, her legs alone almost the height of Sir Galahad himself. She was clad in a skin-tight cat suit of deep red that was matched by the red-brown hue of her skin. Her hair was long and bright green but her eyes were such dark brown they appeared black. Her hair sparkled with glitter. Her unitard merged into her high-heeled footwear and also into the fingerless gloves. Around each of her fingers were rings, each with its own precious stone like a rainbow of colours. Her ears were slightly pointed like an elf and the pupils of her eyes seemed overly large. Sir Galahad: "Good lady! I didn't mean to intrude!" The Lady of the Rock: "You came up here uninvited to snoop about my home... I think you did mean to intrude." Sir Galahad: "Oh. Well I mean my intrusion was well intentioned!" The Lady of the Rock: "So what are your intentions?" She leant down, hands on her knees. Her breasts were not oversized compared to the rest of her body but by normal human standards they were gigantic. Galahad drew a deep breath and averted his eyes to her large face. Sir Galahad: "Merely adventuring! I saw this unusual abode and came to investigate what manner of being lives here. I am Sir Galahad, a Knight of the Round Table." The Lady of the Rock: "Oh. You're one of them." She waggled her hand in the direction of the settlement below. "I ought to squish you flat! Squish, squish, squish!" Sir Galahad: "Why do you bear such anger towards the good folk of this Lake District?" The Lady of the Rock: "They stole my lands! These lakes and its rocks are mine! They have been for centuries and centuries!" Sir Galahad: "Oh, I see. Then I apologise on the behalf of the people. I'm sure they didn't know." The Lady of the Rock: "They do know! I told them!" Sir Galahad: "You didn't, uh, squish any of them did you?" The Lady of the Rock: "No. But I should have! Squish, squish, squish!" Despite her words he gathered the distinct impression that she didn't really have such violence within her. As she walked away from him he could feel the ground rattle with every footstep. As she went he desperately tried not to watch her perfect behind swaying side-to-side. He couldn't understand why so many women wore such sexy clothes beyond the confines of Earth. He had fallen in love with Admiral Ltexi of Jupiter for her brash, commanding personality but he had to admit her displayed beauty caught his eye. Since she left ''Camelot, Galahad had resolved never to look at another woman and merely cherish the memory of his love. But it wasn't going to be easy when this woman's physical virtues were amplified by fifteen feet.'' As she neared the pink dome it opened like a flower, each panel an unfolding petal. Inside he could see a deep dungeon that went down into the rock. Stairs of stone led the way into large rooms were the furniture would make him look like a child should he sit on it. Sir Galahad: "Perhaps I can negotiate with the kings of this Lake District on your behalf, my lady?" She snarled at him; The Lady of the Rock: "They are not kings here, I am king!" Sir Galahad: "You mean queen." The Lady of the Rock: "Don't correct me! Or else... squish!" Sir Galahad: "Maybe these negotiations should avoid so much... squishing, my lady." The Lady of the Rock: "It's not my fault you people are so tiny. Look at you. I could squish you by sitting on you!" Galahad struggled not to imagine that with a furious blush. Sir Galahad: "Have you always lived here alone, my lady? Are there no others of your people?" The Lady of the Rock: "None. I am a unique being. The one and only Lady of the Rock." Sir Galahad: "That seems... lonely." The Lady of the Rock: "Well... I admit since you little people arrived I have liked watching. You're always so busy. Running around, building things. There's one woman who is very entertaining." Sir Galahad: "How so?" The Lady of the Rock: "She keeps throwing potatoes at people." Sir Galahad: "Ah. The Lady Morgause." The Lady of the Rock: "There was an animal going to bite her yesterday. So she bit it first. That was surprising." Sir Galahad: "Queen Morgause is certainly full of surprises, it's true. Wouldn't you like it if they stayed?" The giant woman considered for a moment but then shook her head and snarled again. The Lady of the Rock: "No! No! They stole my land! They stole my lakes! I'm going to squish them all!" Sir Galahad: "No, no, no, my lady! Squishing is not how you make friends!" The Lady of the Rock: "Make friends? I don't want friends. I want my lands and my lakes back." But she did seem hesitant as she said it and that was enough for Galahad. Sir Galahad: "Perhaps you can learn to share some of the land with the people? You would be able to make new friends, especially Queen Morgause. You can set the boundaries on what land can be claimed. I promise our people are peaceful and nice and want to build a new community to live in." The Lady of the Rock: "Will she bite me?" Sir Galahad: "Huh?" The Lady of the Rock: "Queen Morgause. The funny one." Sir Galahad: "No! Absolutely not!" He grinned but it quickly faltered. "Actually, I can't guarantee that. But I promise if she does bite you, it's probably because she likes you. Or because she thinks you're filled with demons..." The Lady of the Rock: "I don't know what a demon is but I doubt I'm full of them!" Sir Galahad: "I'm sure you're not, my lady. I will go and speak with the two kings down in the settlement and I will let them know about you and how upset you are." The Lady of the Rock: "They already know about me! I told you!" Sir Galahad: "Oh right. What did they say when you met them? You definitely didn't squish them, right?" The Lady of the Rock: "There was no squishing. Not yet! They told me to go away and then threw rocks at me!" Sir Galahad: "Really!?" The Lady of the Rock: "I think they thought they were being funny by throwing rocks at the Lady of the Rock. They kept saying 'is it this rock? Or this one?' They were really mean to me." Sir Galahad: "Did you threaten to squish them?" She looked apprehensively at him; The Lady of the Rock: "I might have. A lot." Sir Galahad: "We usually don't respond well to threats. If you promise there will be no squishing, I'm sure they'll apologise for throwing rocks at you." The Lady of the Rock: "Just because I'm the queen of rocks doesn't mean they don't hurt, you know!?" Sir Galahad: "Now you're the queen of rocks?" The Lady of the Rock: "That's my secret identity!" Galahad blinked with a total lack of comprehension. The Lady of the Rock: "I'M BATMAN!I'M BATMAN!!!! article, Meme Generator." Sir Galahad: "Uh... right. I'll go down to the settlement then." The Lady of the Rock: "Let me help you. You're so small and soft, a great fall will hurt you. But not me!" She grabbed him and hoisted him in her arms like a big baby. He squirmed with indignation but the more he kicked and whined, the more baby-like he looked and felt. She approached the edge of the rock and leapt down. The wind sang against his ears until they landed on the ground with a great thud. Morta: "Whassat?" He looked down to see Morta standing just inches from where The Lady of the Rock landed. Sir Galahad: "That was close!" The Lady of the Rock: "That would have been an accidental squishing!" Morta: "Squirrels!? Where!? Run! The vicious squirrels are coming!" She started to move as fast as she could towards the settlement. Which was about as fast as a tortoise. Sir Galahad: "This is quite the adventure... can you put me down now, my lady?" The Lady of the Rock: "Aww, but you're like a lickle baby! Coo coo!" Sir Galahad: "Now I want to be squished." Location: Algernon | Faunicopia Characters: Sir Marhaus | Decima Meanwhile Sir Marhaus was walking some distance from Decima, the lady he had chosen to adventure with at the Three Rivers. She slowly walked ahead while he maintained his distance behind her. Whenever she stopped he stopped too and refused to catch up to her. Initially she had been annoyed by his behaviour but eventually she became entertained by it, revelling in trying to get closer to him to make him as uncomfortable as she could. Decima: "What about your mother? Don't you talk to her?" Sir Marhaus: "She is no ordinary woman." Decima: "I think I'm detecting mummy issues. Did you see her naked as a kid or something?" Sir Marhaus spluttered; Sir Marhaus: "This is why I don't talk to women! Be silent and take me to your adventure!" Decima: "I guess you need a woman who is all meek and quiet. Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir." Sir Marhaus: "Such a weak woman holds no interest for me." Decima: "So strong women make you angry, weak women don't interest you. What's left? Men?" Sir Marhaus: "That's against the laws of God!" Decima: "Ha! You didn't say no!" Sir Marhaus: "Stop! Stop it! Silence!" Decima: "Looks like we've entered Faunucopia. Be on guard, Sir Gayhaus." Sir Marhaus: "I shall endev-- Sir Mar''haus!" ''Decima snorted to herself. She was a full-bodied woman of curves and weight, though not excessively so. Appearing like a stereotypical woman of many children and long endured marriage. Her hair and clothes were unkempt, as though she had just finished cleaning the house, and her apron looked like it should be accompanied by a rolling pin. Yet there was something wonderfully magical about her eyes that sparkled with the wisdom of aeons. Either aeons or just years of raising a brood of children. Either way there is great wisdom. Faun: "Hold there, strangers!" Sir Marhaus turned in his saddle to see a group of men emerge from the trees. The woodland was very dense with trees of all shapes and sizes and the shrubberies grew at the bases of the trees as though they didn't require the sunlight the trees were basking in. The lead man who spoke was a faun; he had goat legs that extended to his waist where he then became a man. His torso was naked save for a long beaded necklace that hung from his neck. From the top of his head were two little goat horns. Around his chin he had a long goatee. Beside the faun were satyrs. More men than the faun, they had horse's ears and long horse-tails. The follicles of head hair extended further down than just the scalp, running straight down the spine to the shoulders. These males wore nothing at all except for sandals on their feet and they all seemed to be permanently aroused, much to Marhaus' confused horror. Sir Marhaus: "Men! Where are your clothes! You are causing this lady great shame!" Decima: "Shame isn't the word I'd use." She grinned like a child in a sweetshop. Faun: "You mean the materials you have put on your bodies? I was going to ask you to remove them! It is suspicious that you would go to such great lengths to conceal your bodies from us! I can only assume you are hiding something!" Decima: "Well, if you insist!" Sir Marhaus: "What!? No! A woman unclad before all these men! Outrageous!" Faun: "Well, we will allow the woman to remain clothed. We usually have no women in these lands. But you, sir, must strip!" Sir Marhaus coughed in blustering confusion. Decima: "Ha! You didn't say no!" Sir Marhaus: "Clearly this is my adventure! I shall slay you all!" He was about to draw his sword but the faun spoke quickly. Faun: "Now, now! No need for such violence here! We are peaceful people. We have no weapons." Decima: "Or armour..." Marhaus resheathed his sword with grumbling reluctance. Sir Marhaus: "It would be dishonourable murder to slay you such as you are. Then what is my quest!?" Faun: "You are welcome to our lands, but you must remove all this clothing. It if offensive and suspicious to us." Sir Marhaus: "I will remove my armour. But I must wear my undergarments." The satyrs all gossip with the faun for a moment. Faun: "Very well. That will suffice." He dismounted his horse and Decima offered to help untangle him from his armour but he leapt back as though she might give him a disease. Faun: "Perhaps I can be of assistance?" Sir Marhaus: "Very well." Decima: "G.A.Y.." Sir Marhaus: "I am not-- urgh!" Location: Algernon | Wilderness Characters: Sir Gawain | The Knight of the Castle of Maidens After eating their meal of little fishes, Sir Lile Morians unravelled a blanket from her horse's pack. Sir Gawain: "Ready to sleep so soon?" Sir Lile Morians: "I woke early to get a better head start. So I'm tired now. Not that it helped much since you bloody caught up to me!" Sir Gawain: "Good point. Sir Marhaus was complaining you did that." Sir Lile Morians: " That woman-hating bastard can screw himself." Sir Marhaus: "My ears are burning!" Decima: "Stop coming up with excuses and get your kit off!" Sir Gawain: "I'll admit, he is pretty annoying. So was that Tom Thumb." Sir Lile Morian: "Don't get me started on him! Constantly following me around like a little letch. You know he stole my bra!? Wait... did you say was?" Gawain had second thoughts about this whole plan. Aside from it probably not working, even if it did he didn't like the idea of tricking her into feelings for someone. It was an underhanded strategy and that was not the foundation of love. He didn't even think Tom Thumb loved her, just lusted after her. He was an interesting man and a man with an obvious disadvantage that he had had to deal with from birth. While his crude humour was a coping strategy that made everyone like him or hate him, Gawain thought he should treat women better. Especially when that woman could crush his testicles with her bare hands in a bad mood. On the other hand he expected Tom's words didn't reflect his true feelings or perhaps even his intentions. He might be crude about Lile Morians for show and when with her he may change into a new man. Except for the bra-stealing. Sir Gawain: "Uh, yes. I killed him in a joust. I didn't--" Sir Lile Morians: "Well done, Sir Gawain!!" She clapped him on the shoulder with a bright smile. Gawain was freaked out. He'd never seen her smile before. Sir Lile Morians: "About time he got his comeuppance. He was an unworthy knight." She paused and her smile vacated her face. "Then again, maybe I'm not worthy either." Sir Gawain saw the pain on her face. Sir Gawain: "Why do you say that? You're a fine knight! One of the best!" Sir Lile Morians: "I'm a cursed knight, Gawain." Sir Gawain: "The sword? Others should try to take what is yours anyway." Sir Lile Morians: "Maybe. But sometimes I wonder if it's me who is cursed. My sordid past only gives strength to the darkness of the blade." She tossed the blanket to the ground with a sulk. Gawain didn't know what to do or say. She was never so talkative in all the years he had known her than she was right now. Her emotions may be stirred by the news of Tom Thumb's death after all. Sir Gawain: "Is it something to do with the Castle of Maidens?" Sir Lile Morians: "Yes. Sort of. My own past is why I made that place. Working as a prostitute on the streets of London taught me many things and not all of us want that life. The Castle of Maidens is a safe place for women like me. Women who had no other choice. But the things I did at that time... well it would sully your ears to hear of them. I'm ashamed of myself even though I know I did what I had to do to survive. But all that... darkness made me perfect for this cursed sword. I'm sorry Gawain. I shouldn't ruin your night with this talk." Sir Gawain: "It's alright! I don't mind. I'm just surprised you're telling me! Surely there are better knights to talk to?" Sir Lile Morians: "You're a good listener, Gawain. You always have been. I know a lot of ladies like talking to you about their problems. I know I shouldn't be one of them. Better to keep it all in." Sir Gawain: "I never realised I had a reputation!" Sir Lile Morians: "It's a good one. Trust me." She struggled with her armour and then pointed at her back. Sir Lile Morians: "Can you help?" He went over and helped to unfasten her armour. It slipped off her shoulders easily and he put it onto the ground beside her blanket. She smiled with self-conscious shame and averted her eyes from him as she tugged at her trouser-armour. Sir Lile Morians: "I know what you're thinking." Sir Gawain: "You do?" Sir Lile Morians: "Why would anyone pay to have sex with someone so unattractive as me. You'd be surprised what sailors are happy to settle for." Sir Gawain: "That is not what I was thinking. At all in fact." Sir Lile Morians: "Nice of you to say. But I have boobs like a little boy, skin like sandpaper and a nose broken more times than I could recount. I'm not the greatest catch around." Sir Gawain: "I really don't agree. You look beautiful to me. And besides, a real man looks for more than just how you look." Sir Lile Morians: "Not sure Lancelot would agree." She had gotten out of the trousers and her undershirt was long enough to be a tunic and conceal her underwear. She pointed at him. Sir Lile Morians: "Aren't you going to get undressed?" Sir Gawain: "Oh! You don't mind me staying here?" Sir Lile Morians: "Safety in numbers! It's not often I get to co-quest. Usually anyone I'm with will betray me and try to go for the sword." Sir Gawain: "Then you'd better help me out of mine too." As the armour came off he strong figure was revealed to Lile, who was most impressed at his physique. He was stronger than his face made him look. Because he wore just leather armour he was out of it quickly and tugged off his trousers to reveal boxer shorts with happy smilies on them. Sir Lile Morians: "Nice." Sir Gawain: "Always liked smilies." Sir Lile Morians: "Here." She went to his horse and tugged off the blanket and threw it down right next to her own. Without her samurai armour on, Lile was very much a white Englishwoman. Her hair was mousy brown and very bouncy, looking much cleaner than a Medieval woman ought to. Her nose was stubbed and her chin angular, giving her a less than gorgeous overall appearance but few would call her as ugly as she believed herself to be. She was also much shorter than she appeared to be in the armour and Gawain, who was not very tall himself, looked down at her. Without further conversation she put her hands upon his chest and gripped his shirt. She pulled him down with her and their lips locked together. Everything else was forgotten and all Gawain could think of was the wonderful, albeit broken, woman he was with. She was both the ultimate independent hero and also the ultimate damsel in distress. He wanted to watch her be a badass and he wanted to save her. Location: Algernon | Waterfall District Characters: Sir Caelia Sir Caelia bent over the tiara. It was thin and extremely delicate and under a magnifying glass she could make out intricate patterns crafted into the metal. She is sure the metal is part orichalcum, though she suspected it wasn't pure. Likely it was mixed with another metal to make a more pliable alloy. Tiny precious stones of white were encrusted into it and as she played with it she soon learnt that it would magically expand or contract to fit a variety of head sizes. She assumed it was once much smaller to fit on the head of Prince Oberon. She ran her fingers over it. She could sense it against her fingers as though it were a kind of braille. Even as she did so she realised she had encountered the same craftsmanship in the lightning amulet that belonged to Gamma Pans. He was in the Waterfall District already so she called out for some assistance and in stepped Sir Lanval. Sir Lanval: "Everything alright, Sir Caelia?" Sir Caelia: "Do you know where Gamma Pans is?" Sir Lanval: "Which alien is he? The walking rock man?" Sir Caelia: "The gangly armed purple one." Sir Lanval: "Right! I'm on it!" Sir Caelia: "I wonder what a tiara and ring to a set were doing separated by such a great distance...?" She tapped the tiara against her chin absently but was suddenly struck by a vision. Tiara: "I SEE YOU!" She threw the tiara away but she was struck by a magical force that sent her flying backwards. She went through the tent wall and crashed into the timber of a building under construction. A couple of seconds later and the building fell down upon her. References External References Category:Post Category:Leg Post